Quick thought

The Internet is like the ultimate “Choose Your Own Adventure” book.

BREAD.

OK, so we had pizza tonight. We don’t get it often, but as I was sitting there waiting for our takeout order, I noted the ridiculousness of the menu options and pondered our country’s obesity problem.

Do you think that a part of it could be this possible meal:

Appetizer: Breadsticks or “cheesy bread”

Entree: Pizza (possibly with a cheese-stuffed crust)

Dessert: Brownies or some other doughy chocolate treat

You can get this meal (or a variation) at any of our finer quick-delivery pizza joints.

And I’m guessing you see the connection between each course:

THEY’RE ALL BREAD!

“Yes, I’ll start with the bread appetizer. For my main course, bread with all the usual toppings. And for dessert, please begin baking five additional loaves of my favorite…BREAD.”

Am I a victim of this breadphilia? Absolutely. I love cookies and cake and pies and breads and muffins. Sure, I try to have wheat bread when I can. (Not a big fan of the whole grains if they have those nutty chunks in them.)

There’s no way to wrap this up with my mossy brain right now. Well, maybe one word:

BREAD.

Random Ramblin’s: My Royal Return!

Sorry I’ve been so remiss in posting. (I know you care.)

July 4th was really cool. After the usual BBQ, we drove over to this spot in Frisco where we could see fireworks (albeit most were far away) in like five different towns at once. Of course, the ones at Pizza Hut Park - which claim to be the best in North Texas -  might have been just that.

Saw Incredible Hulk and Indiana Jones.  Loved the first, liked the second.

Got my “Heart Rate Monitor for Dummies” as part of the master plan to try interval training. My friend Charlie says it’s the latest thing - short bursts of maximum effort to get the heart rate up, which is basically anaerobic activity that gets you the benefits of aerobic activity.

(Or something like that.)

I don’t know what it is about Caffeine Free Pepsi. Maybe it’s sweeter than other soft drinks.  But we love it.

Finished my two-month, contract-to-hire-oh-never-mind gig. Do NOT want to talk about it here.

Currently freelancing on-site at a Dallas agency. Much better.

Interviewed last week at a major utility company for a client-side gig. Should hear something this week.

Fantasy baseball-wise, I’m pretty much craptabulously done. I’m starting to think I’m really a lousy competitor, even though so many trades I make work out better for me than my trading partner and I’m able to find great bargains and young talent.

I pretty much HAVE to get a haircut every four to five weeks, or it starts to look godawful (like it does now). See, the part that grows fine (sides and back) overtakes the growth of the super-slow top part of my head, and I end up looking a bit like a pumpkin without the green stump part.

Our forecast here is like 95 to 98 every day. Of course, we’re all indoors most of the time. And on the weekend, the closest pool is usually near-empty.

The Phillies are in first place. Wonder if it’ll last. Not likely if they don’t get better pitching.

The Summer story writing contest is coming up. (If you recall, I entered the Spring contest with horrendous results.) But now I’ve got a much better idea of how to approach it. And hey, it’s only $5 to enter.

Ad Campaign I’m Loving: The Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World.” Heard a radio spot for it today and laughed out loud. THAT is saying something. Euro RSCG New  York, I salute you, you magnificent bastards! (And stay thirsty, my friends.) I actually went and bought a case just to support the company.

OK, time to brush my teeth and head to bed. Nightie-night.

Another stupid pro athlete

I’m a pretty big sports fan, but there are just so many jerks playing them it gets difficult sometimes.

Houston Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon is just the latest to reveal himself as a world-class idiot.

Allegedly, he was asked by Astros general manager (and former Phillies general manager) Ed Wade to meet with him and manager Cecil Cooper while Chacon was eating in the team cafeteria.

Chacon, already mad that he had his role changed from starting pitcher to bullpen reliever, supposedly got into a shouting match with Wade. It ended with Chacon grabbing Wade and shoving him to the ground.

There is obviously no place in any professional setting for this kind of behavior.

What makes it especially egregious is that Chacon frankly has no business getting angry at his role change.

You can see his statistics here:

http://www.baseball-reference.com/c/chacosh01.shtml

Simply put, Shawn Chacon is a lousy pitcher. He’s living off of a few good months with the Yankees in 2005.

If you didn’t bother clicking, here are some basic facts that demonstrate his horrendousness:

Career record: 45 wins, 61 losses.

619 strikeouts and 475 walks. (This is an awful ratio.)

Career ERA of 4.99, which is terrible for someone who pitched most of his career in the National League (which scores fewer runs than the American League).

I doubt Chacon will pitch again this year, and I truly hope that his actions result in his never playing professional sports again.

Oh, if you’re not mad or don’t get why this makes me mad, here are Chacon’s approximate earnings from 2002 - 2007…

$12,160,000.

Some of the best news…

Arrested Development - The Movie:
According to today’s New York Post, there is a big-screen version of Arrested Development in the works for 2009.

(source: The Programming Insider from Mediaweek)

Oh really?

Just saw one of those Subway commercials where the person shoves a $5 bill in their mouth and ostensibly eats it.

Of course, Subway tells us that the better thing to do is spend the $5 on a Subway sandwich.

And they have to use a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen:

“Dramatization. Do not attempt.”

So wait.  Somebody who is stupid enough to think “hey, maybe I should eat some currency” is, at the same time, smart enough to know the word “dramatization?”

RIP, George Carlin

Another comedy great is gone. As a very lame tribute, I would like to note something that would hopefully annoy Mr. Carlin enough to rant…

Our local paper published an online “article” from The Associated Press, which was basically just quotes of some of Mr. Carlin’s best and funniest observations.

And below the “article,” the AP had their legal mumbo-jumbo, copied here verbatim:

“© 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. Learn more about our Privacy Policy.”

So it’s OK for the AP to redistribute Mr. Carlin’s material - without, by the way, citing where they got it - but we can’t copy and paste it?

You know what, at least the Internet is awesome and we can go find, as Jon Stewart said last night, HOURS of Mr. Carlin’s video.

“It’s got cache out the yin-yang!”

Ah, George Costanza.  One of television’s greatest characters.

Welcome back to my insane ramblings.  I hope you missed me.  I missed you…or at least the thought of actual people out there, bathed in the soft light of your monitor, reading what I type in off the top of my head.  I appreciate you very much.

Fantasy baseball update, Yahoo league: Still bouncing between 7th and 9th place out of 11 teams. Traded away Lance Berkman, J.D. Drew and Heath Bell for Carlos Quentin, Jon Rauch and Chris Perez.  I figure for a keeper league, Quentin is a big-time guy to have - and his numbers were Berkman-like for much of this season.

Fantasy baseball update, CBS (and money) league: Also still bouncing, although I had a tremendous week and went from 13th to 7th for a few glorious days.  I thought that some of my long-time slumpers were finally living up to their usual stats, but then they kind of went back into suspended animation.

Turns out I will *not* be staying on at my current freelance gig, at least not in the same role. We’ve discussed another position in the company, but I still need to talk about it with the person who would be my supervisor. If this doesn’t pan out, I’m working on some other options. Stay tuned…

No big boxing this past weekend, but that’s OK because we were in Philly for my friend Howard’s wedding. They had it at this little winery north of New Hope, PA. (I enjoyed their sweet riesling.)

This weekend, it’s pool time for sure. Dallas has been hovering around 100 degrees the past couple days, and it’s supposed to “cool down” to the mid-90s for a while. And summer officially starts this weekend.

Our apartment complex is being really jerky about trash. We were putting out our trash bags (no garbage can be left out unless it’s in a bag, by the way) the night before trash pickup - which is 8:30 a.m. on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. It wasn’t hurting anybody. But the complex policy, which was redistributed in memo form, says that we can’t do that anymore.  So trash has to be out some time between sunrise and 8:30 a.m. This is an inconvenience that annoys me.

The Phillies are doing very well. Of course, now that I’ve said that, they will probably begin to suck. Sorry for the jinx, boys.

Writer’s block, jet lag and overall malaise have overtaken me.

I promise…

…to blog more often soon.  When I can.  Probably the weekend.

Life has just been hectic, for more reasons than I have the energy to go into right now.  (You’ll just have to trust me.)

Still diggin’ the two-month freelance on-site corporate gig, still wondering/hoping it’ll turn into full-time.

Heading back to Philly again for another whirlwind weekend in mid-June.

Fantasy baseball update: My teams suck.  I made a bunch of cuts to my Yahoo team, and I’m working the trade talks in the CBS league.  This is just not my year at all, fantasy-wise.

Just got two songbooks in the mail–Ben Folds and Rent.  Guess which is for me and which is for Shannon.  I’ll probably start practicing them on my keyboard this weekend.

I’m halfway to 70 (have been for several months now), but does it really count like that?  I barely remember any of the first five years.

It’s late and my contacts are still in.  But not for long.

Peace out.

A lyrical masterpiece.

I actually heard this on the radio, laughed out loud, and was driven to find these lyrics and share with you.

If you can find this song, just listen to the magic.

http://www.justsomelyrics.com/1407631/Tim-Wilson-The-Booty-Song-Lyrics

==========================

Okay. The show’s plane’s in the air. The landing gear’s up. This is Tim “Booty” Wilson and the BootyCallers. They call it Booty Man.
(singing)

VERSE 1
Look at that booty. Show me the booty.
Gimme the booty. I want the booty.
Back up tha booty. I need tha booty.
I like the booty. Oh, what a booty.
Shakin’ that booty. I saw tha booty.
I want the booty. Lord, what a booty.
Bring on tha booty. Give up tha booty.
Lovin’ tha booty. Round booty.
Down for tha booty. I want tha booty.
Huntin’ tha booty. Chasin’ tha booty.
Casing tha booty. Gettin’ tha booty.
Beautiful booty. Smokin’ booty.
Talk to tha booty. More booty.
Fine booty.

VERSE 2
All about tha booty. Big ol’ booty.
Serious booty. Amazin’ booty.
I’ll take tha booty. Where is tha booty?
Stare at tha booty. Walk in tha booty.
Touchin’ tha booty. Whose got tha booty?
Grabbin’ tha booty. Rubbin’ tha booty.
Lovin’ tha booty. Huggin’ tha booty.

Kissin’ tha booty. Holdin’ tha booty.

Watchin’ tha booty. Kickin’ tha booty.

VERSE 3
Sleepin’ booty. Screamin’ booty.
Harder booty. Softer booty.
Sweeter booty. Sour booty.
Nude booty. Used booty.
Whose booty? Sista’s booty.
Yo momma’s booty. Cookin’ booty.
Mean booty. Good luck with tha booty.
Farm booty. Home booty.
Road booty. Found booty.
Covered booty. Bare booty.
Sweated booty. Patted that booty. (<—-not quite sure about patted that)
Bad booty. Sadder booty.
Wide booty. Wider booty.
Double wide booty.

VERSE 4
Live for tha booty. Yell at tha booty.
Suein’ tha booty. Scared of tha booty.
Expensive booty. Cheap booty.
Discount booty. Rented booty.
Leashed booty. Sellin’ tha booty.
Workin’ booty. Easy booty.
Sleezy booty. Greasy booty.
Need a lot more booty.
Wet booty. Dry booty.
I hope that one’s my booty.
Pretty booty. Pity booty.
Little bitty booty. Beautiful booty.
Caressin’ tha booty. Dissin’ tha booty.
Missin’ tha booty. Messin’ with tha booty.
Ooooh what a wonderful booty.
Powerful booty. Findin’ tha booty.
Gimme tha booty. Wake up booty.
Breakfast booty. Lunch booty.
Supper booty. Dinner booty.
Expensive booty. Cheap booty.
Buffet booty. Hot booty.
Cold booty. Take-out booty.
Delivery booty. All booty.

Booty (20x)

(2-Slick)