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A spam I got, with snarky comments

From Mr Mohamed Ilar
Sunday, April 19, 2009 12:32 PM

Dear Good Friend, (I like this. I have no idea who this is, but maybe s/he is assuming I will become a Good Friend if I give them money.)

How are you together with your family members?I think all is well. (So you’re a psychic as well as a spamming thief. Interesting!) Despite the fact that I did not know you in person or have i seen you before (Hmm…this would seem to contradict your previous statement. But let us continue anway…) but due to the reliable revelation,(Whoa, you’ve had a revelation? Why didn’t you say so sooner?) I decided to share this lucrative opportunity with you, I have no other choice,(Really? I’m It? You don’t have a family member or friend to turn to? That’s so sad!) so kindly consider this message as vital, believing that sooner or later we will be multi millonaires, (OK, the lack of a period at the end of this sentence really bugs me. Even more than the empty promise of multi millionaire-dom.)

First and foremost, I have to introduce myself to you. (Shouldn’t you have led off with this?) I am MR.MOMHAMED (Where’d the extra M come from in your name? Above, your name was Mohamed.) ILAR, THE FOREIGN OPERATIONS MANAGER OF OUR BANK (Which bank? I used to have an account with His Bank, but not Our Bank) here in my country, BURKINA FASO WEST AFRICA. I am married with two children. (This is pertinent information for our business deal. What are their names and ages?)

I want you to assist me in other (In other what? In other ways?) to transfer the sum of TWENTYT FIVE, FIVE Million United States Currency ($25.5,000,000.00) (Should I be going into business with someone who can’t spell Twenty – much less his own name? Maybe…) into your reliable account as the Next of Kin to our Foreign Business partner , the original owner of the fund. He was a foreigner and a multi company holder who died in a plane crash with his family years ago, he deposited the fund in our bank for his business expansion in Africa unfortunately he met this sudden and untimely death and the worst thing that happened was the wife who suppose to be the successor of the account died alongside with him. (This kinda sounds like fraud. You’re asking me to pretend to be Next of Kin to some guy whose name you won’t give me? I’m a good liar, but not that good.)

Since the deceased left no body behind to claim the fund, as a foreigner, you are in better position for that, and no body will come for the claim after you have applied. (You’ve just given me a good idea for a zombie movie. Will you invest twentyt five, five in “They Came Back for The Money?”) If you are ready to assist me, set up a new bank account or forward to me any one avialable so that the process will commence .

I will guide you on how you should apply for the claim so that everything will be smooth and correct (If I want to be smooth and correct, I’ll turn to Gillette. Or Billy Dee Williams.). After the transfer, i will resign and come over to your country for the sharing of the fund 50/50 base on the fact that it is two man business. (My cousin was in a two man business once. In college. Long story.)

Finally, note that you are not taking any risk because there will be a legal back up as we commence. (No risk? Giving my account information to some guy who can’t spell his own name? And who is our legal back up? Can we get Denny Crane?)
Further information will be given to you as soon as I receive your reply.

Fill this information
Your Full Names……………………(OK, well technically I have three names.)
Mailing Address ……………………
Phone Number …………………….
Age…………………………………….
Occupation…………………………..
conutry ………………………………(Is Co-Nutry the art of being nutty with another person?)

Sincerely,
MR.MOMHAMED ILAR (Hey, your name still has the extra M.)

Dear Mohamed/Momhamed:
I to write you back in style in which you are used to. Guiding light told me not to provide funds to you in hopes that I do not lose my money to crooks in country foreign.

Have faith, be clean, and your account details to send to me instead.
Yours in trust,

Harmley

HP Customer Service Update, II

Well, I called the other night – because they didn’t live up to their “within 24-48 hours” promise.

Case Manager Justin went through my file and determined that my laptop – a unit that we received in January 2007
to replace the crappy one from summer 2006 that died – was indeed out of warranty.

In other words, we’re SOL (sh!t out of luck).

So it’s either get it fixed from some dude on Craigslist, go to Worst Buy and wait for Nerd Squad (don’t want to give them any free advertising), or suck it up, donate it, and go buy a new computer.

Blerg.

HP Customer Service Update

No call from my case manager. Guess my issue wasn’t as “escalated” as promised.

I called tonight. Raveena(?) was incredibly incompetent, not taking my information correctly and making me repeat things over and over. Needless to say, English was not her primary language.

When she finally got it right, of course there was nothing she could do but give me the case manager’s number to call myself. I have no idea if I will get an English speaker when I make that call.

Oh, and when I asked if I could call tonight, she checked and said their working hours were 10AM to 7PM. So another night/day will go by without my laptop.

I have the strangest feeling that this will be an unfixable issue and they’ll have to replace my laptop for a second time.

Of course, my MacBook Pro from work has been crashing anywhere from once to seven times a day.

It’s like our crappy two-party political system. If you don’t want to vote Democrat or Republican, you’re pretty much screwed. And if you don’t want to spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on a PC or Apple, you’re also up the creek without a paddle.

Argh. Oy. Meh.

Random Ramblin’s: Last 2008 edition

My commute last week and this week was sheer bliss. Lots of people on vacation = less drivers at rush hour = Happy Harley.

We’ve hit temperatures in the high 60s several times this December. Freakin’ awesome.

Driving around my neighborhood a couple Saturdays ago, passed by some people on the side of the road in orange vests, picking up trash. Figured they were convicts doing community service or something, but as I got closer I saw on the back of the vests: “Keep Plano Beautiful – Volunteer.” You don’t see stuff like that in a lot of other places.

TIME FOR SPORTS:

PHILLIES  – Still not sure what to think of signing Raul Ibanez for three years. He’s by all accounts a great guy, so team chemistry will be good. By many accounts, he’s a lousy defender in left field. By my calendar, he’s 37. But he’s in great shape, he’s liable to hit about as well as the outgoing Pat Burrell, and there is something to be said for team chemistry. Just look at the Cowboys with all their superstars and no heart. Or the Mets in the ’90s when they overspent on Bobby Bonilla and paid big bucks for Bret Saberhagen. Yes, the Phils will have a left-handed-heavy batting lineup, but the majority of starting pitchers are righthanders anyway.

YANKEES: Certainly not one of my favorite teams, but I had to say something about them spending nearly a half-billion dollars on three players. It’s their right to do so, and it does stack them up as one of the top teams, but many things could go wrong. C.C. Sabathia is a workhorse, but he’s a big heavy dude and injuries could be a concern after pitching like 469 innings last year. (Approximately.) A.J. Burnett has a long injury history, but could be dominant if he stays healthy. Mark Teixeira will likely fit well in that lineup and bang out 40+ homers and play a great first base. The AL East will be very interesting to watch.

EAGLES: What a crazydiculous season. A tie to the woeful Bengals, Donovan McNabb pulled from a game, Andy Reid continuing to call questionable plays. And somehow, they win a bunch of games down the stretch, Tampa Bay loses to a bad Oakland team, Chicago loses to Houston, and the Birds CRUSH the gutless Cowboys to squeeze into the playoffs. And they have a good shot to beat Minnesota this weekend, and they’ve already beaten the Giants in New York. NFC Championship game, here we come?

COWBOYS: Gotta say my piece on the ‘Pokes. FOX’s Michael Strahan and Jimmy Johnson had this one right: the Cowboys are messed up because it starts from the top down. And owner Jerry Jones is the problem. He also serves as General Manager – even though he’d never get that job if he wasn’t an owner – and makes moves like a fantasy football owner (analogy stolen from ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd). T.O.? Sign him. Roy Williams? Don’t need him, but imagine the receiving numbers! But not when your $67 million boy Tony Romo throws stupid interceptions and the whole team looks like a bunch of quitters. I actually feel bad for Cowboys fans, because unless Jerry hires a REAL General Manager (even George Steinbrenner hired Brian Cashman), he’ll keep running the team into the ground and out of the playoffs.

76ERS: Mo Cheeks fired after going 9-14. Elton Brand out for a month. And we only get like eight 76ers games on network TV, so all that excitement I had about the team has drifted away. (Yes, “fair-weather fan” would be accurate.)

FLYERS: Apparently, they play hockey. From what I’ve gleaned in my not-caring mode, they started off sucky and then won a bunch of games, and they’re playing well.

ARENA FOOTBALL: They’re taking 2009 off and plan to get back to work in 2010. Can I do that too?

Back to ramblin’…

New Year’s Eve? Bah humbug. My REAL New Year begins on January 13, when you can send me as many birthday gifts as you like.

Oh, and of more import than anything else written above…our twins are officially both girls! So yes, Daddy’s Little Girls will be arriving this spring in theaters near you. (Well, not so much in theaters, more like subjects in my blogs that will surely embarrass them later in life.)

Peace out, yo.

Ben Folds Five: The Reunion (on MySpace)

Go watch/listen to an awesome Ben Folds Five reunion.

They do the entire “album” of “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner.”

Enjoy!

Great video, only a couple minutes

Those who know me know I’m not really a pet person, even though my beautiful wife brought four cats into my life.

This video, regardless of your feelings about pets or our involvement in the Middle East, is really touching.

Watch a soldier comes home from Iraq to his dogs.

Unpaid Endorsement: FactCheck.org

Supported by the Annenberg folks, this completely objective Web site goes line-by-line through political speeches and debates and lets readers know who’s lying and who’s telling the truth.

Go check it out:

FactCheck.org

Release the Kraken!

If you recognize that quote from the classic “Clash of the Titans,” then I salute you.

I’m about to unleash my own Kraken – which is to say, I’m about to send an amazing amount of unsolicited e-mails to potential employers.

I’m doing a gigamegaload of online research, and when that’s completed, I’ll be directing the aforementioned lucky souls to this blog.

Here, they can read my innermost (and self-censored to remain professional) thoughts, see my work samples and resume, and best of all, brighten their day with a laugh. (Man, I’m humble.)

So I will soon see a large spike in blog visits, and I’ll be seen by everybody who’s anybody in the DFW marketing world.

By Zeus’ beard, I welcome you all!

Busy week.

Last Friday, met with a freelance client.

Monday, met with another one.

Tuesday, meeting with a local agency about possible on-site freelance and maybe even full-time gig down the road.

Wednesday through Friday, writing the entire Web site for the first two clients mentioned.

This Wednesday will be three weeks since the interview I had, which has yielded no response whatsoever. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think that’s all that cool.