Poll: This blog’s name

Here come the blogs.

Photos need to be sent to computer then uploaded.

But my readers want to check out the story, so here goes.

New entries coming soon!

We’ve been through the wringer…then again…then once more…then turned upside-down…then once more through the wringer.

But the girls are doing better, and maybe even close to coming home!

Over the next few days, I’ll be posting the blogs I wrote during the hurricane that was the past several weeks.

Including photos. “Awws” and “Oohs” gladly accepted.

Biggity back, y’all

I’ve been completely remiss in blogging, but I think a pregnant wife and all the stuff that goes with it count as a pretty good excuse.

However, I have at least three blogs that I’ll be putting together today for your reading pleasure.

Talk soon!

Thoughts on a windy Tuesday (MySpace blog from 1.29.08)

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thoughts on a windy Tuesday Current mood: froggy A song on the radio or MTV caught my ear, and I haven’t really dug a song like this in a while. It’s Sara Bareilles’ “Not Gonna Write You A Love Song.” Check it out if you haven’t heard it. It has a really cool if-Ben-Folds-was-a-23-year-old-woman-banging-on-the-piano vibe. And it’s catchy as hell. First I was here on MySpace. Then LinkedIn, for the “hey, I’m networking” side of me. Then Facebook. Now somebody got me onto NotchUp, where they will allegedly arrange for you to get paid for job interviews. I guess this is Web 2.0, social networking, and the beginning of The End. I love living in a world where there’s a betting line in Vegas on how long Jordin Sparks takes to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. You can really tell that Fox is running the show. Jordin Sparks? Seriously? Shannon and I are completely sucked into the vortex of reality shows, both terrible and awesome. The terrible include Rock of Love 2, Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, and the soon-to-be-aired Flavor of Love 3. The awesome include Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Design, The Next Design Star, Hell’s Kitchen, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (US & BBC), and our new favorite, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. A quick rundown of each show, since I know you all respect my vast and superfluous pop culture knowledge and opinions: –Rock of Love 2 = Skankalicious. Skanktastic. A skanktastrophe. –Scott Baio… = Boo hoo, Scott, you’re 46 and it’s time to grow up and be a man. Guess what, you are no longer the center of your universe. –Flavor of Love 3 = Man, can’t Flavor Flav find true love? Someone to be a momma to his 7 kids? Someone who likes kissing a mouth full of gold and gums? –Project Runway = Always dramatic, the judges are witchy with a capital B, Heidi Klum is annoying, but Tim Gunn is way cool and I respect the creativity and ingenuity of the contestants under tight deadlines. Reminds me of my job. –Top Chef = Almost the same as Project Runway, but with food. –Top Design = Almost the same as Project Runway, but with interior design. –The Next Design Star = Almost the same as Top Design, but with the added challenge of being a TV host. –Hell’s Kitchen = Renowned chef/restaurateur Gordon Ramsay yells at/trains chefs while they compete for a dream job/their own restaurant. –Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (BBC) = The original, where Ramsay spends a week at a dying restaurant and tries to help them save the business. Shows that he can be a good guy, he’s very smart and creative. –Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (US) = Same thing, just Americanized and more dramatic. The American restaurateurs that he meets are usually not as welcoming or open to his ideas, which is incredibly stupid of them. –Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew = Wow. A bunch of random F-list celebrities with drug and alcohol problems are in Dr. Drew’s (heckuva nice guy) rehab facility in California. Really rooting for some of them to overcome their problems. Jeff Conaway is both freaking insane and pitiable. What else can I blather on about… I turned 35 years old 16 days ago. Meh. I’m not happy that the gym is getting crowded at 6:35 AM. Go away, fellow complex residents, so I can get the good elliptical machine and crank the morning news or Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN2. I am happy that although I’m not losing weight as fast as I’d hoped, I’m muscling up. You feel lucky, punk? Why do clients pay us like $100/hour or more and then completely disregard our recommendations? It’s like our experience and talent aren’t worth anything, but they have a budget so they might as well spend it on something. I’m already tired of the 2008 candidates. Although I am kind of psyched to see the final two, whoever they are, go at it over the summer. Just thought of something interesting…heard that McCain was considering Joe Lieberman as a running mate. So our big race could come down to a Republican ticket with a 70-something war hero and a Jewish guy versus the Democratic ticket headed by either a woman or an African-American man. Maybe there’s hope for this “melting pot” yet. Although I’d still love a legitimate 3rd party. And 4th party. Actually, Chris Crocker or whatever your name is, Britney should NOT be left alone. Somebody should grab that crazy girl and put her in a secret rehab in Nebraska or somewhere away from the jerks with cameras who are profiting off of her problems. This might be my longest blog ever. And it’s all killer, no filler. Recommendation: Sign up for the e-mail lists of your favorite stores and restaurants. They will send you discounts and birthday freebies and stuff. It is easy and it works. Back to TV, because it always comes back to TV. Watch E’s “Chelsea Lately” with Chelsea Handler. She is funny like 85% of the time, which is 60% better than Robin Williams. Man, I really wish the writers’ strike was over. I miss Heroes. I love most of what Ricky Gervais has done: The Office (the original) and Extras being the two biggies. He really did take a sharp left with that Extras finale, though. Ruminating on the follies of fame and celebrity and all that stuff, it was the darkest finale of a comedy series ever. All right, kids, get back to work.

Double entry: I HATE TIME WARNER CABLE/Meeting Haiku (MySpace blog from 12.11.07)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I HATE TIME WARNER CABLE. Current mood: angry Yeah, I went All Caps on their asses. Here’s the message I just sent their “Customer Service” people: I am HIGHLY upset at the “service” I received today. Our cable TV AND Internet service were both disrupted today (your automated system says there is no record of any problem). We called to arrange for a service visit, but I am at work and missed the 10:38 AM call from the technician, who did not leave a message. They later attempted to call at 3:29 PM, but I missed the call because I was in another meeting. Again, no message was left. Knowing that I probably missed a call, I called in at 4:17 PM and spoke with a representative. The rep told me that the work order was STILL OPEN, and that we would receive a call soon–she even told me that the technician was finishing up a visit and would be going to us next. At that time, I also gave her my wife’s phone number as a backup, in case I was unable to answer my phone. When I called in again at 6:00 p.m., another representative told me that the work order was canceled at 4:44 PM. WHY would the order be canceled a half-hour AFTER I spoke with a rep who told me to expect a call and that the work order was still open? Now we will have an entire day and night without cable or Internet service, thanks to the incompetence and laziness of your representatives and technicians. Please know that we are VERY upset with this shoddy service and will be exploring other options immediately. MORAL OF THE STORY: If you have options other than Time Warner, USE THEM.

Meeting haiku Current mood: quixotic Found a bunch of haiku (or haikus?) I wrote in a meeting about a year and a half ago. I drink bad coffee I stare into the distance When will meeting end? People droning on Their monotone causes pain Headache coming on All of these voices Justify their existence With meaningless talk Would they even know If we all got up and left Con’frence call from Hell All these empty suits Giving us their crap “input” Better left unsaid They think we can’t read Why else would they read the brief Word for word all day?

Rowing down the stream of consciousness (MySpace blog from 12.4.07)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Rowing down the stream of consciousness Current mood: crunk Other stuff that came to me in a rush the other night, just before falling asleep: ALLI = Have you heard about this stuff? It’s an FDA-approved weight-loss drug/anti-obesity medication. Although it stops you from absorbing dietary fat, it can also cause diarrhea and increased flatulence. Oh, and my favorite line from their packaging: “Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it’s probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work.” Translation: You might poop yourself, so be prepared. I imagine that the first pharmaceutical company to develop the non-diarrhea, non-flatulence, non-crap-yourself-at-work weight-loss drug will make one decillion dollars. SOCIAL ANXIETY DRUGS = Thought I blogged about this previously, so if I did, I’ll keep it brief. I just love the side effects for these medications. I’m sure you’ve seen it on TV. Here’s a paraphrased TV spot: “Are you scared of other people? Do social situations send you into a downward spiral of fear and depression? If so, you may be suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder. So try [DRUG NAME]. And get back out there and start living! Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, sweating and increased heart rate.” So the side effects are basically the same as the symptoms of SAD. (An unfortunate acronym.) CELL PH.. Remember when they were just “car phones” or those giant walkie-talkie-looking things? Then they got progressively smaller. Then they added cameras. Then they added MP3 players. Then they added Internet and video. What’s next? I think they’re out of stuff. Seriously, what more could you put into your portable phone/camera/stereo/computer/TV? THE SLEEP NUMBER BED = Sure, it’s great for sleeping. He’s a 12, she’s a 34. Fantastic. Good night’s sleep for all. But what about during intimate moments? You’re on this lopsided surface with two completely different levels. (I bet you’re thinking, why didn’t he go for the 69 joke? Because I’m classy all the way.) BRAGGING ABOUT THE WRONG THINGS = Such as “man, I’m on like three hours of sleep.” Or “I was SO WASTED last night.” Or “I drove like 95 MPH to get here.” These are NOT GOOD THINGS, people. You are bragging about mistakes and vices and bad habits and all the crap that makes you seem either stupid or unable to exert any willpower. If you say these things as a form of complaint, then OK. But do we really need to know? LIBRARIES = Seriously, how long do they have left? With the Web available in your pocket (see above), and certainly in an increasing number of homes and schools, your local library is about as necessary as an extra toe. Let’s turn them into homeless shelters or something useful, instead of another gourmet coffee place.

Heck yeah, it’s random (MySpace blog from 11.29.07)

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Heck yeah, it’s random Current mood: savage More random ramblings. Since when are women’s sunglasses so freakin’ huge? Are they taking fashion tips from cataract patients? The only people who should wear huge sunglasses are, well, clowns. Literally. I have a long commute. I see a lot of stuff on the road that I have to question: BUMPER STICKERS If I can figure out your life story and overall philosophy from three or four stickers on the bumper of your vehicle, chances are I won’t like you if we ever met in the real world. Yes, you, the guy in the big black pickup truck with old chestnuts like: “Bush/Cheney in ‘04,” “My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student” or anything NRA-related. And also you, the hippie lady in the beat-up 1992 VW with “Follow Your Bliss” and “Practice Random Acts of Kindness.” While I may agree with some of your views, I think the patchouli stench might make me nauseous. OTHER CAR STICKERS I see all these soccer moms and dads with their kid’s name, school, the sport they play and their uniform number on their car. Is this the dumbest thing ever? I can understand being proud of your child. But in an age of sickies and deviant criminals, aren’t you just pointing out “hey, here’s my kid, Mr. Soon-to-be-seen-on-Dateline’s-To-Catch-A-Predator-with-Chris-Hansen?” Yep, little Rylee (or Rilee or Ryley or whatever) is your pride and joy, playing volleyball for Central High School and wearing 14. Problem is, now Sickie McGee the Pedophile knows a LOT about her and where to find her. Good parenting job. DRIVERS ON CELL PHONES Yeah, this is not exactly a “new” issue or one that hasn’t been discussed before. But this morning, I saw a soccer mom with huge sunglasses driving a giant SUV shouting into her cell phone (in the left hand) and wildly gesturing (with her right hand). Yes, that does mean that NO HANDS WERE ON THE STEERING WHEEL. Going anywhere from 55 MPH-70 MPH on the Dallas North Tollway with no hands. No wonder there are accidents 2-3 times a week. BAD BREATH I can talk about this because I sometimes suffer from halitosis. (When I have it, it’s halitosis–a medical condition. When others have it, it’s just stank breath.) But there is like NO good way to tell somebody that their breath could use some minty freshness. Some people have built Web sites to send “anonymous” messages, but it’s not like you always have the e-mail of the 7-11 clerk handy. AIRPLANE PEANUTS What is the deal…just kidding. WRITING Just because you can type, doesn’t mean you can write. Frankly, it doesn’t mean you can communicate effectively. That’s what makes me so scared about our e-mail-driven world, that one wrong word choice or phrase can be incredibly destructive. The next time you’re pounding out an e-mail to a colleague at work or a family member or whoever, just consider what it is you’re saying and how you’re saying it. Please? That’s it for now. Get back to work.

What my spam says about me (MySpace blog from 10.10.07)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What my spam says about me Current mood: Spammy According to my most current spam e-mails, my friends in the spam industry believe that: –I still need $1500 to recover from holiday bills (it’s about 10 months late) –I enjoy indoor remote control helicoptering –I need to add inches to my, um, self –I need to meet someone special –I want to meet Christian singles –I want to meet 40+ singles –I want to meet 50+ singles –I need insurance of all kinds –I constantly purchase pharmaceuticals online –I need to reduce my debt by 60 percent (OK, we could all use that) –I am in dire need of stock tips –I want to fill out surveys –I would like to be an Area Rep –I would like to work from home (well, they kinda got me there) –I want to sell stuff on eBay –I want to be a mystery shopper –I need ringtones –I want to buy land in Tennessee –I want to buy land in Costa Rica –I could use free government grant money (maybe I’ll use it to buy land in Tennessee) –I have many secret admirers and/or crushes –I’m interested in “Popular Cas1no FREE HUGE CA$H Bonus $2400 deposit” –I could use a complimentary Bahamas cruise (finally, one worth opening) Please, spammers, go away.

First blog in ages (MySpace blog from 9.27.07)

Thursday, September 27, 2007

First blog in ages More random thoughts, because you didn’t ask… How do you know that you’re not a prodigy in something unique?  You could be the greatest oboe player in the world, but you’ve never tried.  Hopefully when they map the human genome, they’ll be able to tell if you’re genetically predisposed to woodwind excellence. Advertising never gets portrayed accurately in TV or movies.  There’s a new show coming to TNT with the premise that an executive on the account service side gets promoted to creative director.  For non-ad people, that’s kind of like taking an engineer and putting him/her in charge of human resources.  OK, that analogy sucks, but you get the idea. The Phillies won tonight, and the Mets lost, so they’re tied for 1st place in the division.  I’ve been wondering how the Phillies would crush my soul this year, and they’re going above and beyond to raise my spirits before dashing them on the rocks of another playoff-less October.  My new theory: they go to a special one-game elimination playoff and lose in the ninth on a bad hop ground ball. I live in Collin County, which is “dry.”  This means you can’t buy liquor in the county.  However, beer and wine are plentiful in convenience stores, pharmacies and supermarkets.  So you can get drunk as heck on beer and/or wine, but vodka and whiskey are the Devil’s liquids.  I can’t wait the sixteen generations or so that it’ll take to get rid of the ridiculous Puritan streak that still runs deep in this country. My favorite time of the week?  Friday night, 5PM to 11PM.  Work week behind you, whole weekend ahead of you. It’s really weird how your taste can change.  I never liked coffee, never liked mustard.  I pretty much have a cup of coffee every weekday, and now I put mustard on sandwiches constantly.  How does that happen?  Was I just immature and unwilling to try new things?  Or is there some kind of physiological change that we go through as we age? Between Dogpile and Wikipedia, I spend large chunks of time searching for and reading information.  The Web is freaking amazing. And I’m spent.