Review: Rock The Cradle

MTV’s “Rock the Cradle” is now on our schedule.

Nutshell: The sons and daughters of rock and pop stars compete by performing covers in front of judges.

It’s basically American Idol but with celebrities’ kids. The judges are Belinda Carlisle of the Go-Go’s (tarnishing her legend), some guy named Jamie King who is allegedly a choreographer or something, a wardrobe/style woman named June Ambrose, and Larry Rudolph, who is best known as Britney Spears’ former and recently rehired manager.

The host is some insanely perky dude named Ryan Devlin, who is basically a younger, peppier, more casually dressed Seacrest.

A’Keiba Burrell-Hammer = daughter of MC Hammer, she’s actually a pretty good singer who covered Jennifer Holliday and Lauryn Hill decently.

Landon Brown = son of Bobby Brown, he’s not bad but not incredibly special. Although he did survive being Bobby Brown’s kid, so give him props for that.

Lara Johnston = daughter of Tom Johnston, lead singer of The Doobie Brothers. She’s 17 and reminds some of Britney Spears at that age, although this girl actually has a very good singing voice.

Chloe Lattanzi = daughter of Olivia Newton-John, she’s the worst of the group by far. I have a hard time putting into words how awful she is. Her recent cover of “I Hate Everything About You” by Three Days Grace was worse than laughable.

Crosby Loggins = son of Kenny Loggins. He seems like an earnest, nice guy–but he belongs in a coffeehouse or as the only male act at the Lilith Fair.

Jesse Money = daughter of Eddie Money. She was the first one to get tossed (unjustly), but her performance was pretty forgettable.

Jesse Blaze Snider = son of Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider. He’s a really good rock singer and showman–Daddy taught him well. He’s the arrogant (but funny) guy every reality show needs.

Lil B. Sure! = son of Al B. Sure. This kid comes off like he deserves to win, even though he stinks. His second performance was some ridiculous Maxwell song that he sang entirely in falsetto. A BAD falsetto. I dislike this kid so much, I’m angry I gave him the honor of including the dumb punctuation marks in his “name.”

Lucy Walsh = daughter of Joe Walsh. She’s cute, she can sing, and she’ll probably go pretty far in this competition.

Prediction: If this was really about “Rock,” Jesse Blaze Snider would win. But since it’s really about pop, it might be Lucy.

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2 Comments

  1. I recently saw a bit of this show – when ONJ’s daughter was on – and she was HORRIBLE.

    The concept of the show though, baffles me – I mean there are enough shows giving children of stars too much airtime – IMHO.

    Reply

  2. I think Akeiba Hammer will do very well in the competition, she just need to be in more control over her voice.

    Are They Born To Rock?
    When Rockstars Raise You, Judges
    Are The Least Of Your Concerns.
    Rock The Cradle
    10pm ET/PT MTV

    Reply

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