Rant: Jackass advertising clients

Actual, word-for-word comments on a series of direct mail pieces from a client (not mine, luckily – but I’m helping out this week while my colleague is on vacation):

“I think we need to work on the first paragraph as well because I think we are forgetting they most likely have [service with a competitor so they most likely have [service] already.”

“The whole first paragraph I believe is really soft.”

“2nd heading has terrible English.”

“I think it is cute but [Boss] doesn’t like cute.”

“What if they just stop right there rather than opening.”

“Something like that. Not copywriting but just an idea.”

“Remove the Cali fornication image.”  [Californication, starring David Duchovny on Showtime]

“Again not copywriting but it just isn’t clear on what we are saying right now.”

“Maybe we say something like again just throwing it out there”

I wish I could tell you I made these up. But I didn’t.

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Random Ramblin’s: Last 2008 edition

My commute last week and this week was sheer bliss. Lots of people on vacation = less drivers at rush hour = Happy Harley.

We’ve hit temperatures in the high 60s several times this December. Freakin’ awesome.

Driving around my neighborhood a couple Saturdays ago, passed by some people on the side of the road in orange vests, picking up trash. Figured they were convicts doing community service or something, but as I got closer I saw on the back of the vests: “Keep Plano Beautiful – Volunteer.” You don’t see stuff like that in a lot of other places.

TIME FOR SPORTS:

PHILLIES  – Still not sure what to think of signing Raul Ibanez for three years. He’s by all accounts a great guy, so team chemistry will be good. By many accounts, he’s a lousy defender in left field. By my calendar, he’s 37. But he’s in great shape, he’s liable to hit about as well as the outgoing Pat Burrell, and there is something to be said for team chemistry. Just look at the Cowboys with all their superstars and no heart. Or the Mets in the ’90s when they overspent on Bobby Bonilla and paid big bucks for Bret Saberhagen. Yes, the Phils will have a left-handed-heavy batting lineup, but the majority of starting pitchers are righthanders anyway.

YANKEES: Certainly not one of my favorite teams, but I had to say something about them spending nearly a half-billion dollars on three players. It’s their right to do so, and it does stack them up as one of the top teams, but many things could go wrong. C.C. Sabathia is a workhorse, but he’s a big heavy dude and injuries could be a concern after pitching like 469 innings last year. (Approximately.) A.J. Burnett has a long injury history, but could be dominant if he stays healthy. Mark Teixeira will likely fit well in that lineup and bang out 40+ homers and play a great first base. The AL East will be very interesting to watch.

EAGLES: What a crazydiculous season. A tie to the woeful Bengals, Donovan McNabb pulled from a game, Andy Reid continuing to call questionable plays. And somehow, they win a bunch of games down the stretch, Tampa Bay loses to a bad Oakland team, Chicago loses to Houston, and the Birds CRUSH the gutless Cowboys to squeeze into the playoffs. And they have a good shot to beat Minnesota this weekend, and they’ve already beaten the Giants in New York. NFC Championship game, here we come?

COWBOYS: Gotta say my piece on the ‘Pokes. FOX’s Michael Strahan and Jimmy Johnson had this one right: the Cowboys are messed up because it starts from the top down. And owner Jerry Jones is the problem. He also serves as General Manager – even though he’d never get that job if he wasn’t an owner – and makes moves like a fantasy football owner (analogy stolen from ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd). T.O.? Sign him. Roy Williams? Don’t need him, but imagine the receiving numbers! But not when your $67 million boy Tony Romo throws stupid interceptions and the whole team looks like a bunch of quitters. I actually feel bad for Cowboys fans, because unless Jerry hires a REAL General Manager (even George Steinbrenner hired Brian Cashman), he’ll keep running the team into the ground and out of the playoffs.

76ERS: Mo Cheeks fired after going 9-14. Elton Brand out for a month. And we only get like eight 76ers games on network TV, so all that excitement I had about the team has drifted away. (Yes, “fair-weather fan” would be accurate.)

FLYERS: Apparently, they play hockey. From what I’ve gleaned in my not-caring mode, they started off sucky and then won a bunch of games, and they’re playing well.

ARENA FOOTBALL: They’re taking 2009 off and plan to get back to work in 2010. Can I do that too?

Back to ramblin’…

New Year’s Eve? Bah humbug. My REAL New Year begins on January 13, when you can send me as many birthday gifts as you like.

Oh, and of more import than anything else written above…our twins are officially both girls! So yes, Daddy’s Little Girls will be arriving this spring in theaters near you. (Well, not so much in theaters, more like subjects in my blogs that will surely embarrass them later in life.)

Peace out, yo.

Been gone a while, but with a great excuse…

Aside from being lazy, I’ve been busy…since my beautiful wife is PREGNANT!

Oddly enough, that’s not the whole story.

It’s TWINS!! (Note the double exclamation points. I imagine a great deal of my life will now be spent in “twos.”)

My lady is 16.5 weeks into her pregnancy, and unfortunately it’s been rough. She has almost constant discomfort, and the promised relief of the second trimester has not appeared as of this date.

But so far, everybody is healthy and growing and all that good stuff.

And holy wow, I’m going to be a dad. Daddy. Papa. Abba (Hebrew).

I’m pretty much excited, elated, thrilled, scared, freaked, and in a constant state of worry.

(“Welcome to Fatherhood, sucka!”)

Slightly funny note: I’m not the only Dallas-area senior copywriter/ACD-type in his mid-30s with twins (his are born already) and a blog. Click on “The Adhole” on the right-hand column to visit his “regular” blog, or here to see his Dad in Training one.

[Editor’s Note: We have differing opinions on major issues, but these similarities were interesting to me.]

Anyway, as those of you who know me would have guessed, I’m doing my best to wait on my wife hand and foot. I can’t imagine having one teeny person growing inside me, much less two.

Naturally, I’ll update my loyal readers here as news happens. (Next major ultrasound is December 29 – and we’ll be finding out the official genders at that time.)