Random Ramblings: Monday Night Comedy

I think I need to start using “Cool beans” more in regular conversation.

Is it OK to use “Night-Blooming Jasmine Shower Gel” in the morning?

If you can smoke a cigarette while doing your job, you’re either not working hard or you have a super-easy job.

Some people sniff so hard, you’d think their brain was trying to escape.

Tagline seen on a truck: “Delightful service through innovation.” I think they’re probably over-promising.

Unfunny but needs to be said: THE FAR LEFT LANE = THE FAST LANE = THE PASSING LANE. If someone is “on your tail,” GET OUT OF THE WAY.

I keep waiting for a talent scout to discover me, but every day that passes, I get older, balder and fatter.

It seems like a store named “Shop ‘n’ Go” is passive-aggressively telling me to “buy something and Get The F Out.”

I’m not sure why you have to name that place “Condoms To Go” — were people buying them and using them in the store and/or parking lot?

Confession: I have not had my hands “at 10 and 2″ on the steering wheel since 1989.

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