If I suddenly had a full head of hair again, I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Not a clue.
I wonder if anyone has ever been killed by a big sculpture. “Cause of Death: Art.”
It should be illegal to name someone William Williams, Robert Roberts or any other variation.
The gym parking lot should have mandatory workout stations.
I wonder what the longest URL ever was/is. Is there a limit? Could you put an essay before your “.com?”
If you haven’t been to a McDonald’s PlayPlace since you were a kid, do NOT go. You will be insanely jealous of how awesome they are now.
Not sure I could ever get one of those car wraps to advertise while I’m driving. Because sometimes I am impatient with other drivers and make mean faces.* (*Understatement.)
I haven’t been to a banquet in a really long time. I haven’t received an award in a really long time. Connection?
Actually, I lied. I won my 2010 fantasy baseball league. And it was glorious. But no banquet.
Dear Guys Who Use an Electric Razor to Shave While Driving: So you just go around all day with little hairs all over your neck, shirt and pants?
Oh, Rick Springfield on a billboard. Your stubble makes you relevant.
If your company has a “combined 140 years of experience,” that means something. It means you can do math.
New Policy: If I see another driver picking his/her nose, I will hold up my phone to pretend I am snapping their picture.
I want to study the psychology of numbers that end in -9 and prices that end in $0.99.
Passed by “Ultimate Furniture.” Immediately imagined The Ultimate Warrior running from end to end at top speed and giving rambling speeches over the P.A. system.
When someone says to you “don’t be a stranger,” you should respond with “I couldn’t possibly be a stranger. I’ve been your nephew for 39 years.”